Honorable Mentions
"With all due respect, mam - can't wrap my head around how your dentures got into the hydraulic filtration equipment!" by Denise Pigula
"Don't worry i can fix this. I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night." by Brian Frick
"No idea what this is - but its not rattling anymore." by Ole Raadam
"Looks like we will need a new flux capacitor" by Fred Durrenberger
"A little duct tape here, a little WD-40 there, and she's good to go!" by Rebecca Pulmano
Other Submissions
"I should've stayed in the NASCAR circuit." by Jay Power
"That's where I left it!" by Dave Steward
"I thought you wanted me to change the oil in the exchanger motor, not oil the exchanger motor..." by Michael Bellow
"All fixed, just one ‘extra’ part!" by George Hudak
"It’s Bob’s fit bit!" by George Hudak
"I know that's not the right way in, but i was a gynechologist for 25 years before..." by Martin Tremblay
"Sorry, it won't be ready til next week. I'm waitin for a paat. Yea, I used to work for Shady Grady's Autos. Dats da way we woik." by Joe Davis
"Righty tighty... Are you the EMTs? Since that flash, I don't feel so good." by Craig Koerner
"Next time get Joe to work on the activated carbon kiln." by Tim Feider
"Stop looking at me that way. It's ash Wednesday!" by Tim Feider
"Um, I seem to have accidentally cemented this wrench to my hand..." by Joe Davis
"The third thingamyjig from the left is missing a whatsit" by Dave Laycock
"I found that magnet that erased the floppy drive. Now we just need to find a backup on 5-1/2 inch disk.... And the VGA monitor will be like new." by Martin Tremblay
"Are you sure this isn't a 1956 Chevy?" by Tom Rybarczyk
"Who would have guessed that rock crushing machines could develop kidney stones?" by Chuck Lewis
"Quick call the CERN, I think i found a bosom of Higgs, because this thing was certainly making something in there..." by Martin Tremblay
"Ok, who is the smart one that came up with a suppository to fix an artificial intelligence machine? It doesn't like IT!" by Martin Tremblay
"On the bright side; you don't have to worry about anymore high-pitched whining noises, but you might want to check your warranty." by Jeanne Clark
"Man on floor: what is this wrench used for? The others: huh!, *how did he get to work here?*" by Nduka Ogbonna
"Next time call a mechanic instead of a plumber." by Marvin Sager
"Well, that does it. She should be good for another six months or 3,000 miles, whichever comes first." by Fred Gregory
"I'm the CFO and this time I can't fix it!" by Morton Evans
"Yup, just like my last job changing oil in cars. This one tastes sweeter though." by Christina Hermens
"I'm sure if we got three more of you to stare at me, this would go much faster." by Rachelle Howard
"I found your smart watch. And the message says: "Service Engine Soon"..." by Martin Tremblay
"I pulled out the letter "C", thar's still more in there y'all!" by Charles Dean
"Is it time for lunch yet?...." by Charles Dean
"Anybody see where that bolt flew off to?" by Joe Davis
"I'm feeling dizzy and tingly all over. What did you say this black goo is in this equipment?" by Joe Davis
"This ain't the right tool!!!! Hand me that hammer." by Joe Davis
"I got you a working spare part for that other faulty machine" by Assem Abdou
"The Committee decided to fix you either by making you a Cobot or a much more cheaply by a Masking tape! The choice is yours!" by Rabih Zayed
"No matter what it is that I put back together, I always seem to have one part left over!" by Scott Mourier
"Anybody know what this thing is?" by Richard Gauthe
"Due to cutbacks, Dr. Davis's team will perform the oil change for the hospital equipment." by Sandy Exum
"This is just like pulling teeth." by Fred Durrenberger
"If I leeeave here toomoorrooow, will you still remember meee? Sorry, was I singing out loud again?" by Joe Davis
"could you stop breaking it the way you usually break it? it's not even a challenge to fix it any more..." by Tom Lamb